Zechariah 4:10 New Living Translation (NLT) "Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin."
The Jminator came into our lives at the exact right time. God's time. We had believed for a child for two years, and fortunately, right after having 3 of the worst financial disasters we could have had in a row, we were finally expecting.
God provided in such amazing ways that it was un-mistakably Him. I know this because it sure as hell wasn't anything that we were doing right. Most of the time, I just tried to remember to pray instead of panic. That didn't always work: the not panicking part, I mean.
I remember one Saturday morning like it was yesterday. It was Saturday; my only day off. But I had promised my grandfather that I would come over on Saturdays to clean and care for my grandmother who has dementia so that HE could have one day off a week also. We were broke. I spent the last $20 in gas just to get to his house an hour away, knowing he would pay me for being there and I could get groceries and get home. It was hot and getting hotter. The car didn't have air conditioning, so all the windows were down. Jminator is crying; he's hungry, or tired, or hot, or something that at that moment I couldn't control.
A song came on the radio. I don't remember the name of it, but the lyrics were "nobody told her it would be this hard." I just sobbed. I was just done. I was exhausted, but more than that, I was just out of hope.
A still, small voice reminded me of something I learned going through infertility: if you need a miracle, then it's your responsibility to be a miracle for someone else. I cried out to God in a panic, but realized He was right (no kidding?) Fact is; we were too broke and too desperate to be stingy. That afternoon after I came home, I started cleaning out the boy's drawers of clothes he had outgrown. Anything that I didn't really love, or that just hadn't worked was bagged up. I posted on a Facebook site for someone in need to come and get the clothing. I was sure God was going to pull through.
He did. Just not in the way I thought it would happen. Our church ended up paying half our rent that month; something I've never had to ask for in my life was a handout. But I had no idea what else to do. Hubster and I committed to tithing off of everything - even if it meant sacrificially. Finally, the hole we were in started to fill in. Turns out, you can't dig your way out of a hole. But you can GIVE your way out of one.
But it was hard. Harder than I thought it would be. I was tired all the time. Tired of leaving my son with someone else. Tired of hearing him cry when I left over and over again. Tired of only seeing him for a few precious hours a day - sometimes less. Some nights I would nurse him to sleep and just couldn't put him down. I was sitting on the floor of his room; my feet were numb; my arms were tingling, and I just didn't want to put him down because I knew I wouldn't see him again until the next afternoon.
And then... in an instant, the world changed. Hubster was offered the position of a lifetime. His salary was ours combined. All of the jobs - six between us - were covered. We knew it meant a move, but there was Hope again. Hope that something would change.
And again, in God's comedic sense of timing, we made our way to The Promised Land. But not before learning that we were expecting Baby#2.
So, from a trained counselor, dance teacher, and clinician to a Stay at Home Mom is a bit of adjustment. Sort of like jumping off of a highspeed train onto a kayak. Both are awesome; they just move at different speeds. The problems I have today are far different than the ones I had 5 months ago. And they'll be different still in another 5 months, as we welcome the addition of Tax Deduction 2.
So, stick around. If you're a young wife and momma, then hopefully this site will give you the encouragement you need at the right time. We're all learning together.
The Jminator awakes.... until next time...