Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Snow Day Curse

 Ok, this isn't anything spiritual, so take that pious hat off now.

Perhaps I should explain this to anyone NOT reading this in the State of Oklahoma where I live.

Oklahomans don't do snow.

We like to play in it: sledding, snowball fights, building snowmen who like warm hugs, etc.

But we cannot drive in it. No, sir.

A few weeks ago, a light blanket of snow fell upon most of the state. I say a light blanket because I have friends from around the US, and if I say anything other than ,"light blanket" to my friends in Boston, they will come down to my house and kill me. It was only a few inches, really, in most parts of the state.

And everyone lost their freaking minds.

I don't know what started this, but every time someone even whispers the words, "snow" "sleet" or the dreaded "freezing rain" in the forecast that becomes code for "BUY ALL THE THINGS AT WALMART!" Now, thanks to the city in which I live, about 75% of the total population has the exact same paydays. That is not an exaggeration. So, on those days, I've learned one thing: you stay. the hell. away. from Walmart.

Snow days make paydays look like a cakewalk.

There will be barren shelves of toilet paper, bread, milk, and cheese. As if no one ever buys these strange supplies on any day other than when it is about to snow. I'm sorry, but save running for a gallon of milk, I'm willing to bet that most of us probably have within our cabinets enough to sustain a mild apocalypse. No one needs to go to the store; but there's something primal about the last run before we all die mentality. It brings out the worst in people: I've see two women fight over who got the last motorized cart. Two women, I might add, that probably should sneak a bit more exercise in their routine.


In my state, it becomes a vicious cycle. No one really grows up learning how to drive in snow because it doesn't really snow all that often. Eventually you get the hang of it, but the bus drivers never really learn either. Which means that, any time the neighborhood roads are even remotely slick, they will cancel classes because Jimmy Jr can't be trusted not to kill your precious young'uns. Your 16-18year old driver has NO idea what to do, and so everyone just stays home.

But today. My state has reached an epic level of paranoia.

We have cancelled everything, just in case.

I mean everything. Hubster works at a secure installation; one that rarely shuts down for anything like, war, even... But on the threat of weather, they don't have to come in until noon  today. Schools have closed for the day, worried that they'll have to send everyone home before 3. Restaurants will be packed; everyone must get out, shovel as much food into their already obese bodies as they can.
Again, in preparation for a winter apocalypse that may never come.

So, this is my heartfelt sympathy to every mom that had plans for today while the kids were out of school, that now they get to watch Frozen on repeat for the 200th time, try to keep a little one amused for hours while still trying to keep the house from looking like a landfill with upgrades...

Enjoy an extra cup of something warm on me... And just remember: Spring Break is almost here, and you'll get to do it all over again soon. Maybe snow days are just warm-up fire drills in disguise.

Cheers.

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