Friday, April 10, 2015

Today Sucks

Psalm 16, excerpts... 
Preserve me, O God, for I take refuge in You.
[b]I said to the Lord, “You are [c]my Lord;
I have no good besides You.”
The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup;
You support my lot.
The lines have fallen to me in pleasant places;
Indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.
I will bless the Lord who has counseled me;
Indeed, my [h]mind instructs me in the night.
I have set the Lord continually before me;
Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will dwell securely.
 

Today officially sucks.

Suuuuuucks.... And I've only been up for 3 hours. I've had no sleep, I've had to see my husband off for yet another trip, and he won't be back for a while. He doesn't get paid until next week, but there's stuff we need now.

I broke the baby monitor. I've no idea how to fix it.
I spilled part of our last gallon of almond milk. That is liquid gold in this house because we use so much of it. I literally used the turkey baster to suck up enough of it (OFF OF THE FLOOR) for me to at least use in my coffee. I literally cried over spilt milk today.
I've applied for jobs to no avail, tried to sell stuff to no avail, and tried to put my son down for a nap... To. No. Avail.

I would like a do-over. And a million dollars.

Ok, now that my pity-party is now public.... Let's start over.

My God shall supply all of my needs. Not my wants. And while I may worry about tomorrow; I have MORE than enough for today.

Some days just suck more than others. Some days, it's hard not to cry into our coffee and wonder what in world we are going to do about XYZ. Some days, it would really be nice to crawl into bed and stay there for the remainder of the week. Some days, we wonder why God is so silent, so distant, or refusing to answer our prayers. We pout about not having enough of something or too much of something else. We complain about the smallest things, as if any of it was in our control at all. Indeed, if we ran the world, things would be different. They would be fair.


I used to think of myself at totally self-reliant. And I was. The difference being is that before I had a child, I was the only person I had to think about. If Hubster was gone, I just worked around my own schedule. It wasn't until I really had a come-to-Jesus meeting with myself to realize, I can only go so far. Now, as little eyes are looking to me to hold everything together, I realize I have been so self-reliant that I'm worthless. I've depended on myself so much that when I screw something up (which inevitably happens) that I'm so disappointed, so upset, so... angry that Life happened to me.... If I'm so good at running this universe, they why does bad stuff keep happening? Answer: because I suck at running a universe.

I've learned that if the day sucked, it's because I'm relying so much on ME to make the day perfect that I can't see the blessings God is trying to give me. Even if it's just a cup of coffee in peace or a beautiful sunrise.

I woke up to a sweet kiss this morning because Hubster really didn't want to leave. It's his job that makes him do this stuff; he isn't fishing. He's going because he doesn't have a choice. It's not forever, and he'll be back.

Little jammied feet were jumping for joy to see me this morning. Jminator was sooooaaaked. A clean dipey, clean jammies, and a fresh bottle brought the joy back to his eyes. And our morning sing-along was adorable.

I can sit here, in a warm house, with a bouncing baby belly, and a cup of coffee in my hand. Knowing that if today sucks, it's because I put myself in charge of perfection, instead of loving what I have right now.

Floor-milk coffee doesn't taste so bad....

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