Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Whatever State I'm In (Insanity is a state)

Not that I am implying that I was in any personal want, for I have learned how to be content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am
Philippians 4:11 (AMP)

Another article has surfaced, and it's a well-written plea for moms everywhere: Please. Please stop judging others from what you see on Facebook. It begs moms to stop assuming what we're doing is better, or not as good, or something else.

Let's admit it: we all take 30 pictures before we post 1 of them. We run it through Instagram or our photo editor so that the bags under our eyes look smaller, our skin looks more even, and our features are a little more distinct (read: we look thinner) Then we post that photo on Facebook with the caption of "please excuse the mess, but..." so we can look a bit more humble.

What was more interesting than the article were the comments on FB after it was published. Again, every mom came out of the woodwork. It's constantly this battle. Someone posts something about how being a Stay at Home Mom is a tough job. You will then have 2000 moms who work full-time or single moms who are constantly stressed, or people who have more kids than you, or people that don't have any kids (that need to sit down and shut up) that have an opinion... And they will tear you to shreds. It all boils down to one thing: How much harder someone else has it than you.

In reality, it's all BS. We are in a desperate plea; a plea to be noticed, to be appreciated, to be regarded as the heroines that we are. We NEED to win; we need someone to say, wow, you're a rock star. Because honestly, in the day-to-day-day of being a mother, we empty ourselves so constantly that we don't have anything left.

In reality, it's not about "what you do." When I was working with my caseload as a counselor, I left work exhausted, emotionally drained, and fulfilled. When I was teaching dance, I left work physically exhilarated, a little sore and tired, but fulfilled. When I got to stay at home with my son, I was exhausted, exhilarated, a little sore and tired, and fulfilled! I learned that it wasn't what I was doing: it was choosing to appreciate the experience and take it in for what it was worth! I've done both; worked multiple jobs, and have no job. I can honestly say that there isn't one that's harder, or better, or worth more. It is what you make it. So make it yours.
What do we, as mothers, hope to gain in this conflict? Because, as much as I hate the Mommy Wars, I think that's what this is about. Do we feel that our children will respect us more if they see we've had to overcome hardship? Do we feel that our husbands will appreciate us more if they see how hard we work and what goes into our day? Do we need more 'likes' on Facebook to make us feel less alone? Do we think that we will convert someone into our argument and hear the words like, "Wow, my day is nothing compared to yours. I bow to your extensive knowledge and expertise in all things." What does a victory even look like?

Hint: there's not one. There's no perfect picture. There's no perfect family. There's no perfect Mother. She doesn't exist. She will never exist.

Mommas, this nonsense must stop. We are the biggest support and the biggest critic of each other. We are all heroes. We are all beautiful. We are all being exactly who we were created to be. To refute that in someone else, doesn't make you more of anything good. It makes you more insecure, more disrespectful, and more open to pain. We don't need more pain. The world is full of it. What we need more of is moms (and kids) that can speak life into others. You want Mean Girls, go back to high school. Otherwise be a Woman, and be a positive role model.

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