Friday, May 29, 2015

Abuse and Religion.


This is coming from a momma of a young kiddo with another on the way.
I have an AMAZING husband who works his butt off so that I can stay home with said children.
I was a trained CPS investigator for my home state, and was trained in forensic interviewing for children under the age of 18.
I was a counselor for teenage felons, most of which had a history of abuse.

I am a Christian. I make no apologies for that.

But this, "I'm all better because I got saved" thing is a bunch of crap.

Several weeks ago, a prominent family was revealed to have a history in sexual abuse. If you don't know about it, Google it. I'm not going to re-live it for you. But immediately, it raised some questions about their specific breed of religion and the fall-out has been impressive.

I've stayed out of it for a while, hoping that people would do the right thing. But instead, people have backed this family up, stating that "God has already healed them." Blah, blah, blah. Why bring this up again when it makes so many people uncomfortable?

Because it makes people uncomfortable. It should. A 16 year old boy molested several children. From my training, and experience, here's what I know that to mean:

1) He's done it several times to different girls: this speaks to more than just opportune or random occurrences. He's done it enough times to be comfortable and to know what and who are the best times and targets.

2) He's been shown what to do. People who molest others, were themselves molested. Not part of the time. Not some of the time. Does everyone who is molested go one to abuse someone else, absolutely NOT. BUT. Those that do abuse, were they themselves abused.

3) The family knew about the abuse, to their daughters, and waited a year. Even when the boy confessed, they still waited. The "mentor" was not a counselor, and it has been viewed that the girls never received any type of counseling to deal with the abuse.

4) The fact that the Christian church is trying to back up the "Buggars" speaks to the church's ignorance and passivity: two things it really can't use right now.

Does Jesus heal people? Absolutely. Is God a forgiving God? More than you can imagine. Do people still go to jail? Yes. Because while God is Merciful, Forgiving, Faithful, and Loving, He is also JUST. He's a Father, remember? And just like good fathers do, if their son calls from jail after being picked up from a DUI, or possession, or whatever, again... Dad may bail you out once, but more than that... He'll see you in the morning.

But people really, really don't know what to do or say when it comes to abuse. "Getting counseling"is a popular cliché. I agree, the victims and abuser -both- need to get trauma and abuse counseling. The victims need to be encouraged to talk about what happened, that it isn't something to be covered up and ashamed of.

 If someone was texting while driving, and ran a red light and hit them, then no one would bat an eyelash on blaming the guy who hit them. For some reason, when it comes to sexual assault, we have a tendency to work as much blame into the victim's story as the abuser's story. We create this grey area where all of a sudden, nothing is cut-and-dried.

We don't know what to do, so instead, we throw blame around like confetti. So far, the church has been blamed, the parents, the network carrying the show, and, finally, the boy himself. In reality, by saying this, we are hoping and praying that it doesn't happen to someone that we know. If we don't do "that" then we are kept "safe."

Statistically speaking, that's absolutely not true. One in three girls will be abused by the time they turn 18.

One in Three.

The church is no different.

One in seven children will have suffered some kind of long term physical abuse.

One in Seven.

And not from the creeper that stalks the playground. From people that they trust and admire.

I'm not saying this for shock value. I AM saying this to make you a little uncomfortable. Not for enjoyment's sake, but to get you to realize that this whole thing with the "Muggars"...

It happens all the time.

I don't think God is pleased. He got onto the Israelites more than once for being abusive to their wives and children. (Malachi 2 is a perfect example)

God doesn't turn a blind eye to any type of abuse. Ever.
It's time the church would do the same.


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