Thursday, August 13, 2015

I Miss My Old Life

Let's be honest for a second...

Kids are hard.

I don't remember the last time I woke up on my own, rolled over, and went back to sleep.

I don't remember the last time I woke up and even thought about myself.

It's been months since I had more than a 20 minute conversation with my husband that didn't involve the kids

It's been over a month since Hubster and I ate dinner in somewhat tranquility, and there's not a real end in sight to that.

No one over three feet tall thinks I'm important. Few even really care what I have to say (save the Hubster, obviously) My "work attire" means changing from pajamas to leggings and a nursing tank - often the same tank I slept in the night before.

I will go days without watching a TV show that doesn't involve a curious monkey, a tiger family, a talking train set, or a little girl and her cat.

I miss being a clinician, and using the degree I worked so hard for. I miss having peers in the same field and problem-solving. My degree is not in dishwashing, floor mopping, laundry folding, diaper changing, or even childhood development.

Would I change anything about my life right now? Absolutely. I'd add unlimited funds, hours in the dance studio teaching, and the weather would always be between 50 and 80 degrees Fahrenheit.

Other than that, I wouldn't change a thing.

No, seriously.

I don't crave getting spit-up all over me multiple times per day. But it means that I get to hold one of the most perfect little angels that God has ever created.

I'll happily do laundry every day to get poop stains of unknown origin out of all our clothes if it means that my husband never has to worry about matters of the home again. (Random, but stuff like that stresses him out big time.)

I don't love listening to temper-tantrums. But I love that someone feels so safe with me that they know they can act any way that they choose and I'll never leave them. (I'll leave them in a crib for a nap, however, as fast as you can spit)

I don't love cleaning up other people's messes. But I love that I don't have to work 4 jobs, come home, and clean up other people's messes. I love that I can teach my son to be a helper, and I love that he loves to vacuum, honestly.

I don't love that there's always something to do/clean/wash/put away/organize/throw away. There's always something that the kids need that puts something else that Hubster and I need on the back burner. But I am so grateful that God has provided everything that my family needs. Some days, it's been interesting, but we've always - always- had what we've needed.

I don't love living every day on a "if/then" scenario, but I love living in faith every day.

I miss my old life some days. I miss being able to contribute, to setting my own schedule, to being able to leave the house in less than 20 minutes with only the items on my person.

But I traded those moments for sweet kisses, footie pajamas, and Chuggington.

I still hate Chuggington. That theme song is evil.

Right now, I'm going to drink my coffee while it's still warm-ish and pray for synchronized nap times.

A girl can dream, right? Cheers, Mommas.



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