Thursday, August 27, 2015

Older Moms, We're Trying...

These older women must train the younger women to live quietly, to love their husbands and their children, and to be sensible and clean minded, spending their time in their own homes, being kind and obedient to their husbands so that the Christian faith can’t be spoken against by those who know them.
Titus 2:4-5 TLB 

Older moms, we know you mean well. But I, for one, am so tired of hearing, "Sleep when the baby sleeps." "Enjoy this time; it goes so fast!" or "Don't you just feel so much love? Isn't it wonderful?"

We know that the advice you give us is coming from a place of deep regret. Regret that you worried about the dishes and not spending time with your babies. Regret that you didn't take a lot of pictures. Regret that you didn't spend hours just "soaking it all in."

But you know why you didn't do these things? For the same reason most of us young moms aren't doing them: we need utensils to eat off of, clothes to wear in the morning We're not just soaking in time with a sleeping newborn because we have to pee or eat and drink, and this is the only time where we can do that not being clung to by short people.

Please understand, we're trying to soak it in. There are so many times where I do just that: look into my toddler's eyes and see the newborn in him still. I still love rocking him to sleep(ish) on his bedroom floor and singing to him. I love seeing my newborn, milk-drunk and eyes heavy, laugh in his stupor before I put him down for a nap. I love that stuff. I really do.

I also love eating a sandwich with both hands. I had forgotten people actually do that. And I only have, like, 13 minutes before said newborn realizes I'm gone and will scream again.

Older moms, please don't judge us. We get information on every side 200 times a day - and everyone says something different. If we say something on social media, it is a circus train without a conductor. When the kids are crying or having a meltdown, please don't think we just don't discipline our children. We do... But, well, they're still children.

Older moms, teach us what matters: to follow our instincts, not media and hype. To do our research in the Bible as well as Pinterest. We need to be reminded to put on our own oxygen mask before we can be there for our kids. If you want to help, offer help, not advice.

Older moms, please understand, we will answer to God for how we raise our children. Only us. Not anyone else, and not anyone else's children. Same goes for you.

We're trying to soak it in. We hear that so many times a day, it's sickening. It's enough to make you feel guilty for wanting a break. Today, my children have cried all day long. Both of them. Simultaneously, then one will take a break and the other will pick up where he left off. Then they switch. All day. Bedtime tonight was a crisis. Neither child has slept more than an hour today - total. And yet, bathtime and bedtime were fights from start to finish.

I'm trying to soak it in... I'm also soaking up 3 gallons of bathwater that mysteriously landed outside the tub.

Older moms... be patient with us. We don't need to hear, "My kids turned out fine." We need to hear, "This stuff is hard. But I'm with you. I'm rooting for you. Don't give up."

Because, really, we're doing what you did: your best.

Cheers, mommas.

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