Saturday, October 7, 2017

I've made ANOTHER terrible mistake

Firstly, I should apologize. In the last several months, my family has moved, lost 3 grandparents and I've started graduate school. Any conceivable free time has been consumed with travel, grief, and studying untold amounts of chapters in psychology. I think I've finally come up for air... and now I have a sinus infection. So there's that. 

Almost exactly a year ago, I wrote a piece confessing how much I have screwed up my marriage. (also here for your reading enjoyment) I feel like it's high time I post again about how I screw things up. Let me be super clear here: I screw up DAILY. Sometimes HOURLY, but mostly MINUTELY. The problem is, it's usually the same things over and over. Case in point: 


My house. My house is a disaster. This should come as no surprise as you know I have two small children, work, and am now a full-time graduate student. But here's where I've really screwed up the most. 


My lamp isn't even plugged in.


My bedroom. God save us. 

This is what happens: 

First thing I clean is the kitchen. I'm SUPER blessed to say that now I actually have a DISHWASHER!! So, I can shove everything inside this magic box, wipe down counters, and presto! Then, I pick up the living room. The boys pick up their toys nightly, but for some reason, I can't manage to pick up all of the dirty socks we keep drowning in. 

I then make sure the boys have clean clothes. Then that my husband has clean clothes. Then that we all have underwear. 

And then..... I watch Netflix and get on my phone, and lose the rest of my day into a vortex. Before I know it, it's time to pick up the boys, or start dinner, or get dressed to head to work, and I've created a great space for everyone.... except for my husband. 

Isaiah 32:18 states that God wants us to live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest. And while I'm so focused to cleaning the "open" places of the home, (aka "the places everyone can see when you first come in") I've neglected the place that is supposed to be a couples' sanctuary: their bedroom. 

Right now, the bedroom is basically a place for us to dump our crap, move our crap, trip over our shoes, and go to bed. We don't spend any time in there. Who would want to? What we desired to be our little haven has turned into a disaster that we avoid. 

And, then it hit me: has that what our marriage has become?!  As previously stated, the last year has been more than just a little chaotic. Has my marriage become a dumping ground? Have we just come in, dumped about our day, exchanged pleasantries, and left as soon as we could?! Have we become the last priority in the house, instead of the first? 

Yes. Yes, we have. We've taken care of so much that we haven't really taken care of each other. We've turned our haven of couplehood into shifts of guard duty or factory work. 

So, this weekend, while the Hubster is out of town, my goal is to spruce up the bedroom. It's a mountain of laundry right now (like, worse than the picture. That was taken three hours and 5 loads of laundry ago) and we need our space to function. We need it to matter to us. 

We need us to matter to us. 

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